***Disclaimer: actually written on Monday night, but due to the authors inability to get anything done, was edited on Tuesday and now apparently posted on Wednesday.
Summer vacation has come early, well at least for this here blog. My last entry was in the beginning of May and May is officially over and out!! Time really flies when you're the world's biggest procrastinator!!! Last week I had dinner with friends and we got to talking about how things could be better. And man, if they were better how great everything would be. If only our boyfriends would do this and not that, things would be amazing. If only we had this and not that then things would be PERFECT!!! If only...Really??? Would it?
I'm thinking no! Getting whatever we think we need to make our lives perfect will not make them perfect. Why? Because we are NEVER satisfied. Sometimes that's a good thing. It makes us strive for things. But when we look past the things that we do have and only look at what we want we have a problem. I'm not immune to it. I think that if I only had that big break in my career my life would be perfect. I'd never have to worry again. I'd meet the man of my dreams and live happily ever after.
But when I get want I want, will I be satisfied? And if I'm always looking for the things in the future, how much of the moments I'm living right now am I missing out on? Does that mean that I should stop wanting the things I want? No. But I can't forget the things I have today, I need to be grateful for them. “Gratefulness is the key to a happy life that we hold in our hands, because if we are not grateful, then no matter how much we have, we will not be happy– because we will always want to have something else or something more”.– David Steindl-Rast.
Now here's the question, how will I be grateful?? Yeah, its easy to sit here and say that I will be glad and appreciative of everything I have but its also a load of bullocks because when life happens we rarely appreciate the everyday small things (unless you are more highly advanced than I am and for that, I applaud you)! So how will I truly be grateful? I will be ME. I will be grateful that I am me and that I have the opportunity everyday to be the best me that I can be. And I will be truthful about who I am, what I have to offer and what I want to do! This will be the SUMMER OR TRUTHS!! Right smack in yo face truths. It might be a scary summer but I think it will be worth it! Be your truth!
Maurice Fernandez says, "It is about hearing a calling for truth. Things you have denied, postponed, avoided, feared, but things you know were true. This is a time to be more truthful and follow a calling." The time is now. ROCK ON!
-Ms. Strago
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Wow, I sound like a spoiled brat! Is that wrong?
When I started to write this blog my intention was to write about my journey as a performer and the trials and triumphs that come along with that. But I realized that I can't only focus on performing because my life is not only about my career (although sometimes it feels like it). So from time to time, I think I will focus a bit on my personal life and how it gets affected because of the career path I have chosen. A friend of mine recently had a baby and she is thrilled beyond belief, and I’m not gonna lie, there were a few times I felt my uterus tug...and then I snapped back into my reality.
See I’m at a point in my life where many other people have gotten married and are having kids. They have done the things you're “supposed to do” at my age (and they love it). In fact, many of my closest friends are either having babies, getting married or actively searching for a husband (don’t get me started on that one, lol), while I am searching for my next acting job. I’m not at that place now, and there is a tiny part of me that feels like I might be missing out. When I was sixteen and I thought about what my life would be like at this age now, I can honestly tell you, it was a hell of a lot different than the life I’m living. Is that a bad thing?
Recently, it has come to my attention that I SHOULD be doing these things now: getting married and having kids, making my own family. But should we do things because we SHOULD?!! Or should we figure out what and when is right for us? Should I feel bad that my life is not what society says it should be at this point?? Should I feel like a loser, or less of a woman if my goal at the moment is my career, instead of finding a husband? Do I want all those things, the husband and the family? Yes…I think so. But they aren't in my cards now and I don't want them at the expense of my other dreams. I know everyone makes compromises, but there are some things that I just won’t give up on. Why can't I have it all?!! Why can't I make all my dreams come true??! Wow, I sound like a spoiled brat! Is that wrong?
I know people are starting to think there must be something wrong with me. Especially with comments like “when are you getting married?” or “Hey, you really should get on that”. Or my personal favorite, “Oh, you’re still doing that? (meaning acting). Well, good for you”. And I know from their tone, that this isn’t a compliment. I’m also not sitting here and complaining about my life, because I chose it!! The reason I am where I am is because I made it happen; and if I’m not happy with it or want something else it’s up to me to make that happen. A fairy godmother is not going to come down and wave her magical wand (no matter how much I would freaking love that), so it’s up to me to make my life the way I want it to be. I’m on my way…S-L-O-W-L-Y!
And I guess in 10 yrs if I still haven’t found Mr. Right (hell, if I haven’t found Mr. I can live with long enough to get married), and my uterus is still tugging and I'm financially stable enough, I can try to adopt because everyone needs love and a home. But here’s thing, I don't know where I'll be in 10 yrs. None of us to do. We all have our "plan", but sometimes life has other plans. The only thing we have is a path & its our own (and I will not apologize or be judged for mine). I will just have to trust that my path will bring me my happiness. I’ll end on this quote from an email I just read (its about the search for your soulmate, but I think it can apply to all dreams), “Most who are looking for mates that they haven't quite found yet, are so interested in getting to where they're going, that they're missing the fun of going there.” Hmmm, somehow after all these years, I’ve yet to accept that life isn’t a result, it’s a journey.
This is mine! I hope you're loving yours!
-R. Strago
See I’m at a point in my life where many other people have gotten married and are having kids. They have done the things you're “supposed to do” at my age (and they love it). In fact, many of my closest friends are either having babies, getting married or actively searching for a husband (don’t get me started on that one, lol), while I am searching for my next acting job. I’m not at that place now, and there is a tiny part of me that feels like I might be missing out. When I was sixteen and I thought about what my life would be like at this age now, I can honestly tell you, it was a hell of a lot different than the life I’m living. Is that a bad thing?
Recently, it has come to my attention that I SHOULD be doing these things now: getting married and having kids, making my own family. But should we do things because we SHOULD?!! Or should we figure out what and when is right for us? Should I feel bad that my life is not what society says it should be at this point?? Should I feel like a loser, or less of a woman if my goal at the moment is my career, instead of finding a husband? Do I want all those things, the husband and the family? Yes…I think so. But they aren't in my cards now and I don't want them at the expense of my other dreams. I know everyone makes compromises, but there are some things that I just won’t give up on. Why can't I have it all?!! Why can't I make all my dreams come true??! Wow, I sound like a spoiled brat! Is that wrong?
I know people are starting to think there must be something wrong with me. Especially with comments like “when are you getting married?” or “Hey, you really should get on that”. Or my personal favorite, “Oh, you’re still doing that? (meaning acting). Well, good for you”. And I know from their tone, that this isn’t a compliment. I’m also not sitting here and complaining about my life, because I chose it!! The reason I am where I am is because I made it happen; and if I’m not happy with it or want something else it’s up to me to make that happen. A fairy godmother is not going to come down and wave her magical wand (no matter how much I would freaking love that), so it’s up to me to make my life the way I want it to be. I’m on my way…S-L-O-W-L-Y!
And I guess in 10 yrs if I still haven’t found Mr. Right (hell, if I haven’t found Mr. I can live with long enough to get married), and my uterus is still tugging and I'm financially stable enough, I can try to adopt because everyone needs love and a home. But here’s thing, I don't know where I'll be in 10 yrs. None of us to do. We all have our "plan", but sometimes life has other plans. The only thing we have is a path & its our own (and I will not apologize or be judged for mine). I will just have to trust that my path will bring me my happiness. I’ll end on this quote from an email I just read (its about the search for your soulmate, but I think it can apply to all dreams), “Most who are looking for mates that they haven't quite found yet, are so interested in getting to where they're going, that they're missing the fun of going there.” Hmmm, somehow after all these years, I’ve yet to accept that life isn’t a result, it’s a journey.
This is mine! I hope you're loving yours!
-R. Strago
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)