The Hero's Journey

A few years ago I had the incredible opportunity to perform in NYC Player's "Neutral Hero". Unbeknownst to me, the story was inspired by Joseph Campell's The Hero's Journey.  And no, I didn't play the hero, but I did play Karen Elliot, the Goddess (yes, I still laugh about it myself).  I never gave much thought to the hero's journey before I joined the cast, and I haven't thought about it much since, because well, I'm no hero. I've never saved a life or healed the sick, I'm just a girl from Long Island, who wants to entertain people through stories and music, and who would like to one day pay off her credit card debt, but that's another story for another day.  And honestly, I wasn't planning on writing this post, but the feelings I've been dealing with recently have dictated to me that I needed to talk about what I've just figured out.

Working on this film, trying to raise money for it, and writing this blog has given me the keys to open up my very own Pandora's box of fears.  You name it, I've experienced it in the past two weeks. Some fears are normal, like not raising enough money to make this project, to feeling like the work isn't good enough.  I say they're normal because I've experienced that type fear before. But other fears are just completely irrational.  It seems like one little negative thought leads to another one that's a little bit bigger, and before you know it I'm catching Ebola, being falsely imprisoned, and/or dying alone. It's been a rough week.

My fears had become so overwhelming that I began to feel physically ill, so when I saw Elizabeth Gilbert was on Oprah's Super Soul Sunday, I sat my ass down on my couch and watched that sucker immediately OnDemand.  I was transformed in an hour.  See it was there, I was reminded of The Hero's journey but in a more personal way.  A very abbreviated explanation of the journey is the 'hero' answers the call not without self doubt, struggles on the path, then reaches a point of no return which leads to a battle, where Gilbert says that "every single one of those obstacles prepared you for the battle, then you lose your fear and then you become the hero".  Me. And you, if we answer the call.

See I answered my call.  And it is a very different one from most people I know. No one else in my family, or friends for that matter, has received a similar call as I, and if they have then the have rejected it. They all went to school, got jobs with that degree, got married, had kids, because that is their call; but that's not mine. Sometimes when people see you making a different choice then the one they are accustomed to, they assume you must be unhappy.  But no worries, they're here to help!! They have all the advice in the world and know just how to fix you.  And even though I didn't know I needed to be fixed,  I began to doubt myself, and my call.  What if they're right?  Maybe I should  just forget this crazy dream of mine (it's really hard anyway), find a good paying job with health insurance (I too have a degree), get a man, a marriage license, and pop out a few kids (Lord knows that would make my mother very happy).  But honestly, I'm not unhappy without those things.  Yes, there are a few things I'd like to change about my current situation, but I'm happy on my journey.  Nothing makes me feel more alive and grateful than writing and performing, and nothing makes me feel more trapped then having to do something that takes me away from that.  This is the life I want to live.  And then, like a light bulb, I realized that I was feeling all this anxiety because I'd let the opinions of others affect my own.

Sure it's not without struggles or trials (this indiegogo campaign of mine is just the tip of the iceberg) but they are just obstacles on my path.  And I welcome them.  I don't enjoy them, but if they are prepping me for what's to come, I welcome them.  So now, I have officially chosen to become the Hero of my own story!  If I'm not, who will be?  That's what my film is about...characters who have received and accepted their call, no matter how difficult, no matter who doesn't understand, no matter who tells them "No", because I don't believe you will be truly happy unless you follow your own call. As Paulo Coelho author of The Alchemist says, our only obligation is to find our "personal legend" (or purpose), honor it and fulfill it.  And at the risk of sounding like a Hallmark card or an advertisement for OWN TV,  I hope I can continue to be brave enough to continue my journey.  I may not be a hero in terms of a summer blockbuster, but I see now that I am the hero of my life.  I can only hope you're the hero of yours.  You deserve that!  Hell, he world needs it!

all limitations are self-imposed

Happy Fall!! Happy new season! Perhaps it can be seen as a happy new beginning? I'll be honest, I'm surprised I remembered my password (well it took me about five minutes) because its been quite awhile since I actually sat down to write my thoughts for the good old blog world. But let's not dwell on the negative, THE BLOG IS BACK, so let's move forward shall we? Because I've started running!! Yep, you read that correctly, I started running!! Always wanted to be "runner", never thought I could.

Okay, okay, let's not kid ourselves, I've been jogging for a few minutes but I've started a program where you add on to the amount of time you run each week until you get to the 9th week when you are hopefully jogging/running for thirty minutes straight (not sure what happens after that, but I don't want to get too ahead of myself, since I just finished week 2). I then decided I would post my distance and times on my facebook page to continue to motivate myself, and I got some mixed reviews (including a few comments, that were supposedly written for "encouragement" but to me, were anything but). And I started to feel bad about myself and embarrassed about my time, and then stupid for posting it at all.

But then I started to get some really supportive comments. Like the one from my dear friend Ashley who said "don't listen to them Jean Ann!! Everyone started from somewhere. I started running at age 30 and it took me three weeks to be able to run a mile straight. And you know I just completed my first Olympic Triathlon this year!! My run pace, after swimming a mile and biking 25, was about a 10 minute mile, for six miles. Just go girl!!" And Pete, an old friend from high school who reminded me to not "listen to anyone giving you crap about time / distance. You're not running a race against them. Start small, listen to your body and keep at it. Looking forward to seeing more updates! :)"
Thank God for supportive people!

I know it won't happen in a week, which is why I'm starting out small and adding on each week. And as I was jogging along at my (very) slow pace it hit me, the idea that I wasn't a runner came from me and I'm the only one who can change that. And if I can do this, I can change anything else that I didn't think I was, or could be, or could do! What I think about running is a metaphor for all the other limitations that I have placed upon myself. The fact that I think I'm not pretty enough to be on TV/film, or that I don't have the vocal range to be on Broadway or any other negative thought that has jumped from my mind, crossed into my real life and thus has affected my career in a less than positive way came from me. And since I was the one who placed these things out there, I'm the only one that can change them!! Just like running, I'll have to start small, but I believe I'll do it!

I'll leave you with a video that another high school friend/runner, Suzanne, posted on her Facebook page that was so inspiring (God what did we do before you FB?)! I think it's not only about running but about doing anything that you've wanted to do but have let your limiting beliefs about yourself stop you. So what do you want to do? Decide and then take Ashley's advice and "Just go girl" or boy!! Just do it! :)


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SbXgQqbOoU&feature=player_embedded

AND THE PURPOSE??

Ever wonder why you are here? Like, what's your purpose? I started writing this post on July 11th and now its August 9th. So apparently publishing this post isn't one of mine. I kid of course. I'm not sure why I could never press the "PUBLISH POST" button but its almost been a month and I just haven't done it. Sure I've been busy but I've actually sat down to write and edit this thing and it never felt worthy (not sure its there yet, but I can't keep sitting on it. It needs to get out.) Maybe because its pretty personal to me. I didn't think I was afraid to publish it but maybe I was. When you write about yourself, you put it out there and that can lead to criticisms (something most of us don't really enjoy). Maybe I didn't think the conclusion was good enough. I'll explain later**.

PURPOSE...Dictionary.com defines it as "the reason for which something exists or is done, made, used, etc." 'Dictionary.com?' you say. I know, I know, but hey, they had the best definition! "Why am I here"? Its a pretty good question. We've all gotta be here for a reason right? I've been thinking about it, I guess in part because my birthday passed recently (well at this point, its been over a month, but like I said I started writing this in the beginning of July). Birthdays can bring alot of feelings to the surface. They can make you think about your life and what you are doing with it, and what you have done with it, and what you are going to (or should) do with it.

Sometimes we are all so busy and have soo much on our plates, juggling millions of things at once (ask dictionary.com for the definition of multi-taskers and our entire society would appear) it can be difficult to remember or fully see what we should be doing (and by that I mean, what we should be doing for our own selves). I know I get overwhelmed sometimes with all I have to do: a day job, classes, the other job trying to make my dreams of being a full time performer a reality, writing this blog occasionally, all the while trying to have some semblance of a social life and to have a little fun. And it gets hard for me to just focus on one thing and give it 100% so that I can actually get something accomplished. Sometimes with all the everyday things we NEED to do in life, we forget why we are really here. So I'm gonna ask the question, what the hell is my purpose? Feel free to offer your suggestions and get back to me! ;)

I was actually a little surprised that I still needed to clarify it, if not figure it out all together, because I've always thought I knew what I was supposed to be doing since I was a little kid. I guess when you aren't automatically a 'success' at it (whatever that means to you), you start to second guess it. Am I doing the wrong thing? Wasting my time? Maybe it would help to construct a bit of a mission statement, to help shed some light on it or to simplify it so that its more easily attainable.

So I decided to do a little experiment. Its called "The Life Purpose Exercise" by Arnold M. Patent, who is a spiritual coach and author.

_____________________________________________________

THE LIFE PURPOSE EXERCISE:
1. List two of your unique personal qualities, such as enthusiasm and
creativity.

_____________________________ _____________________________

2. List one or two ways you enjoy expressing those qualities when interacting
with others, such as to support and to inspire.

_____________________________ _____________________________

3. Assume the world is perfect right now. What does this world look like? How
is everyone interacting with everyone else? What does it feel like? Write your
answer as a statement, in the present tense, describing the ultimate
condition, the perfect world as you see it and feel it. Remember, a perfect
world is a fun place to be.

EXAMPLE: Everyone is freely expressing
their own unique talents. Everyone is working in harmony.
Everyone is expressing love.

______________________________________________



4. Combine the three prior subdivisions of this paragraph into a single
statement.

EXAMPLE: My purpose is to use my creatively and enthusiasm
to support and inspire other to freely express their talents in
a harmonious and loving way.

_______________________________________________



So whatcha get?? I'm so curious! Well quite frankly I'm nosey. I get it from my mom, well I'm totally blaming it on her anyway (why not?)! Here's what I came up with...

My Purpose is to use my humor and compassion to entertain and inspire people to be who they are in a loving and joyful way!

Great. I got it all figured out now! So what the hell do I do now? (to be continued throughout my life I guess...)



**And maybe I was nervous to put this out there because to sum up your purpose in one sentence can seem almost trivial, or maybe its because I feel people would judge what I came up with, or maybe I was scared because putting it out there meant that I need to actually start living my purpose fully. And being who you truly are is a big responsibility.