Resurrections (part deux)...

You know when you get an idea and you're excited about it, because it could lead to something really special, so you make plans, and you're still really excited about it, because it's still far away, so the fear and doubts are kept at bay.  And then the days pass, and the time gets closer, and you start to feel uneasy (okay, fine, I'll say it) I start to feel uneasy.  And I think, maybe I'm just not ready, maybe I need a little more time? You ever feel like that? No? Okay, so let's take a time out on that thought for a second.  No worries, we'll come back to it, I promise.

Some of you may know I had the huge opportunity to tour Europe in 2011 performing in Neutral Hero as a part of New York City Players. Music was a tremendous part of the show.  So not only did I have an incredible time performing throughout Europe, but I became friends with a couple of totally amazing musicians.  Sure we performed music in the show, but we also had sing-alongs in our hotel rooms, maybe a lobby or two, and during, what we like to call, musical brunch.  What's that now?  Yes, I said musical brunch.  More on that in a bit.  Believe me, I have some sort of point.  I'm sure I'll get there eventually.

So when you kinda mention to these musician friends that you've been writing some music, and they offer to lend you their talents, you get so excited because these are real actual gifted musicians.  So you send out an email, and you make plans, and you're excited, and then it gets to be the day before, and you get a little bit nervous, but then you haven't spoken about it in a few weeks, so you start thinking (and yes, by saying you, I mean me) "Oh, maybe it won't happen.  They're probably just really busy, and I'll just send an email and say, 'Hey guys, I know you're so busy, no worries, we can reschedule '" and then before you hit send, you get an email saying "Just checking in about tomorrow...".  Oh shit, it's happening.  So you put your uke in it's plushy, new case (with fears and all) and you hit the road...

My uke is very cute.

to Brooklyn, for Musical Brunch (yay, it's a picture blog day).  Okay, so what the heck is musical brunch you ask?  It's brunch, you know with some bites to eat and some drinks, but mainly it's drinking early in the day without feeling guilty about it because well, it's brunch, oh, and you also play music.  The first time we had musical brunch was in Vienna.  We had it on the grounds of our hotel (and I think it was probably not quite acceptable to play and drink where we did, but when in doubt, just look confused, ya know the look that says Oh, we're American, we don't know any better) .  It looked something like this...

Andie, James and me in Vienna.

So at this point you (and now by you, I do actually mean, you), you may be wondering why I was hoping to postpone musical brunch?  Good question folks.  And the answer is, because I'm insane.  Because going to musical brunch would mean putting myself out there, and quite possibly embarrassing myself in front of my friends. Now if you know these folks, you know they are the nicest and most supportive peeps on the planet, but they are insanely talented, and I am not a trained musician.  Let me translate the voices in my head for you, they go something like this "You are going to make a fool out of yourself.  Do you really think people are gonna like what you write?  Who do you think you are?"  Well, I told those voices to shut the f*#k up, and now back in America, musical brunch looks something like this...

Andie, Katie and James tuning up.

After some heavy carb-loading, and a few mimosas, we got down to business.  Finding some courage I played a bit of my song (and in case you missed my first demo of the song, you can find it in this post:  Resurrections, and when you listen you'll hear why I was nervous to play in front of them), they did what they do best.  We talked about the feel, asking my opinions, giving theirs, working together.  The thing about making music is there are so many possibilities.  It's all about the possibilities, and then making choices.  You try things out, add a solo here, one more measure there, you bring back the melodica, you take away the mandolin, and if it doesn't work, you try something different.  And isn't that what life is all about?  You make a choice, take a chance and if you fall down, you get back up again.

I can't tell you how great it felt to collaborate with my friends, especially listening to them play what I had only heard in my head, only now it sounded better than I imagined.  To me, now it sounds like an actual song.  They've inspired me to do more.  And I am.  I've also decided to set some goals for myself. Wanna hear 'em? Well, you don't have a choice (ok, you do, you can stop reading now, but I hope you don't) 1: to have four-five songs written, and arranged, by September and 2): to record those songs for an EP by the end of the year.  I'm excited and fear free (for now).

I think the time has come to share what we worked on.  We made a little recording again on my trusty iPhone, but I'm so proud to share it.   Mr. James Moore is on guitar, Ms. Andie Tanning Springer is on mandolin and melodica, Ms. Katie Cox is on banjolele (which is a banjo ukuele, and it's seriously the cutest thing ever) and I'm on vocals (yes, I chickened out and didn't play but, come on, it's hard for me to sing and play at the same time...cut me some slack, I'm learning to).   You can hear it by pressing this little link right here:

The Slaughter and the Lamb

And seriously, my friends are terrifically talented, and super amazing humans. I can't thank them enough for sharing their gifts and time with me. You can find out more info on them below:

James Moore
Andie Tanning Springer
Katie Cox

Thanks for listening!

Resurrections...

I started writing this last night. I knew it would be a pretty busy day today, and I'm trying to post a new blog every two weeks, so I wanted to make sure I had something to share.  But I went to bed last night feeling uneasy about it, not really excited about posting it later on today because I just wasn't sure it said what I wanted it to, or if it was something I really should put out there.  Cut to the next scene, woke up this morning thinking I could do some editing after getting back from my cousin's house, but still not really feeling great about this post (I'm sure you can't wait to read it).  But hey, why worry about it now, my self-imposed deadline was hours away and I had a bucket load of food to eat (I am Italian).  So now I'm home, knowing I need to go to work on it, I immediately check Facebook and then went on Twitter (anything to procrastinate) but I saw this tweet from @TheSingleWoman "If ever there was a weekend to resurrect all those dreams you buried so long ago...this is it."  Ohhh, okay, I get it. You better finish the f*%king blog, because that's exactly what it's about...old, buried dreams.  I'm learning to follow signs.  So here goes (sorry, it's a tad bit longer than usual)...

Today, as most of you know, is Easter.  And even if you aren't a Believer (not a Belieber, two totally different things, as one worships a tiny man child who fashions himself a singer and sometimes thug would likes to pretend to beat up the paparazzi, but as usual I digress), I'm sure you're aware of Jesus' crucifixion and his resurrection three days later. According to trusty Wikipedia (why do we all trust wikipedia so blindly? Oh, not everyone does? Just me? Okay, good to know.) Anyway, according to Wikipedia, Resurrection is the concept of a living being coming back to life after death. And I'm certainly not comparing any of us humans here on earth to God but I think that anytime we get knocked down by life and choose to get back up, we get to experience our own type of resurrection. And it might not be three days later, some times it's three months or three years, but when we decide get back up and back in the ring, we are transformed. We are reborn.

I feel like I'm slowly coming into a little rebirth of my own.  Losing someone you love can feel like having the life sucked out of you (Kinda like auditioning again and again, and continuing to be passed over for someone else, maybe even someone less talented than you; that can suck the life out of you too. Or seeing your friends move closer and closer to the finish line of their dreams, while you feel like you are perpetually stuck at the starting line. Yep, life sucker. But I think you get it); and quite frankly when that happens, you don't feel like doing much of anything at all.  Now I think it's time to get back into the ring of creativity.

Over the past few years, I've been feeling the way I will be truly successful in this business of show, is to create my own work.  Not sure why, but I feel pretty freaking strongly about it, and I'm learning that when your gut is yelling at you to do something, you probably should do it.  I've wanted to be a singer since I can remember, and I also have written songs since I was a kid. True most of them were about farm animals or tropical breezes (yes, I wrote a song called "Tropical Breeze" for a school project in 5th grade. I got an A. I can still sing the chorus and I did the cover art as well, can we say talented?) but those songs were mine.  And then sometimes a little idea can creep into your brain and begin to stifle a dream.  Let's face it, the music industry is a youth game. And once you hit about 26, or if you don't look like Britney Spears did when she was singing "I'm not that innocent", well then you're screwed.    I was in my twenties, and I started to write again, but turns out the few people that I actually I played my music for, well let's just say, they weren't too impressed. Either they just ignored that they had listened at all, which is pretty much the equivalent of getting a haircut, seeing your friend out, and they said "Oh, you got a haircut", end scene (yep, not good). Or they flat out say, "I like your voice, but not those songs". Oh, okay, thanks?!  Looking back on it now, I realize that I put aside a dream of mine because two people didn't like what I had to say at the time.   That totally sucks. Well, I'm not that same girl. I've learned so much about myself, and people, and the world, and music, and so I'm READY TO TRY AGAIN.

About a year and a half ago I got a ukulele.  I used to play guitar but I have tiny fingers and it turns out the guitar has two strings too many (also I'm a bit of a perfectionist and if I can't learn something easily or quickly, turns out I don't like to do it, like playing a bar chord, ouch)!  So I've been writing some songs on my uke and I don't hate them; that in itself feels like a big step.  I've decided to take a bigger step and post a link to the first song I wrote on my ukulele last summer.  It's just a demo, a blue print if you will, that I recorded on my iPhone (and as you'll hear, if you listen, I'm not a great ukulele player either), it isn't the best quality. It isn't finished, it needs to be arranged with more instruments played by real musicians, but after all the excuses are done, it's mine! And you may hate it, you may judge me, and I may end up feeling like a fool but  you know what, I'm okay with that.  And some people may read this and think, what's the big deal?  Maybe to you, putting yourself out there isn't a big deal.  Maybe you look fear in the face everyday and blow right passed it, but most of the time when I look fear in the face I want to go back to bed.  No more. True, it's a small step and I still have ways to go and so much to learn, but I refuse to let someone else's opinion interfere with my dreams anymore.

Please don't feel obligated to tell me you like it (I'm not doing it for an ego boost), and by all means, please DO NOT feel obligated to tell me that you hate it, lol.  If it moves you in any way to comment on it, good or bad, please do, I'll listen (no worries, I won't stop writing if you hate it).  Quite frankly, I'm not entirely sure why I felt the need to post an unfinished work.  But it feels like this blog is about sharing parts of me, and this is me right now. Or maybe I'm being selfish by posting it because I want to do something that scares the shit out of me.  Either way, it's time:

The Slaughter and the Lamb (demo)

It feels like we need to go through pain and struggles to get to a place of resurrection, and most of time we're our own crucifiers, our own worst enemies.  In fact, I can guarantee that the moment I hit publish on this blog, I will beating up myself for thinking that what I posted is in any way good enough for people to hear but here is where I am at, taking risks.    I'd like this blog to be a place where I can share my small steps with you, and then you can share your own small steps. I hope we all continue to take risks and do what makes us happy, to look fear in the face and continue on because as far as I know we only get one crack at this life, and we don't get a hell of a lot of time. Even if we get to live to 100, I feel like you'd look back and go "shit, that was fast". I don't want to look back on my life and only see fear, and regrets.

So to those who celebrate, I'd like to wish you a Happy Resurrection Sunday! And to everyone else, a Happy Rebirth.  Let's keep going!

xoxo
-Jag