Sunday, June 20, 2010

Well HELLOOOOOO there. I'm still alive!!

Well hellooooo there!!! Remember me? Yeah, you may not and don't feel bad about yourself, its my own damn fault, is been awhile since I've posted here. I have to admit, I think I got burnt out. Not just about this blog but about a lot of things. I ended a workshop for the show I'm doing next year at the beginning of May and now its the middle of June. And what did I do to further my career or to create? Not a whole lot. I don't know why but I've been feeling completely disconnected from performing and its weird because it happened right after I had this amazing creative experience. I felt kinda out of it and it was hard to figure out where I fit in. I'm still trying to work my way through it, so this blog has kinda been (not the furthest) but pretty far from my mind. Not to say that I haven't thought about writing or actually tried to write an entry. In fact I started one on June 9th and it went a little something like this...

I'm sad and discouraged and out of sorts...and quite frankly its pissing me off!! Why may you ask? Beats the crap out of me. I think it I have hit the proverbial wall my darlings and it sucks.

I'm reading the "The War of Art" by Steven Pressfield and he said that "The professional arms himself with patience, not only to give the stars time to align in his career, but to keep himself from flaming out in each individual work. He knows that a job, whether it's a novel or a kitchen remodel, takes twice as long as her thinks and costs twice as much. He accepts that. He recognizes it as reality...He conserves his energy. He prepares his mind for the long haul."

Guess what? Being born and raised in NY (yeah I know, Strong Island, but its still NY) makes me have as much patience as...honestly, I have no idea. I can't think of a good analogy and I'm getting pissed about that too, so forget it (see NO patience). Anyway, this is a really difficult thing...waiting Y E A R S for what you want (or have dreamed about since you were probably about six years old (officially when I was ten and I declared that this is what I would do for the rest of my life), and have been actively pursuing for 10 years. But I'm still here. I haven't given up or in. I keep trying. I also needed a break and I'm just starting to feel like I'm coming alive again. I've slowly started doing things I should be doing. Like submitting my headshot, and following up and (gasp) writing again.

I'm thinking of this post as a rebirth. I even changed my template for this here blog (do you like it? I think its pretty)!!!! And as today starts a brand new season I feel its a time to celebrate in a way. I think its ok to take a break for a bit and to crash and burn as long as you get back on the horse (even if it takes a little longer than you had hoped). The point is to keep going and work through the hard times (the times when you want to bang your head or someone else's against the wall), because hard work pays off (eventually) and patience is a virtue (one that somehow has eluded me most of the time) but as a "professional" I've accepted that I need it. God, who knew this whole making your dreams come true would be so freaking difficult? ;)

Keep at it kiddies...the good things come to those who wait (or pay for it, but that's a different blog for a different writer)!

Ms. Strago

1 comment:

Ashley said...

summer time was always weird for performers--established performers get a little break, while un-established performers can present self-made projects on the fringe, etc--but so many people leave NYC on the weekends it's hard to gauge what you're really doing. it's like the directional arrows are not pointing anywhere. we're all waiting for 'school to start' again, you know? Love the new layout! so proud of you for hanging in there 10 years. think of all the famous people who stuck it out for the big payoff. 10 years is an AWESOME show of patience already!! Love ya.