Sunday, March 17, 2013

I'M BACK (okay, so I never really left, I've just been in hiding)!

I guess we can say that I've been on a self imposed, let's call it a vacay, from this here blog for over a year. Say what now, over a year? Yep, did you miss me?  I'll be honest, I kinda missed myself (and I live with me).  And just because I haven't published a post, it doesn't mean I haven't thought about it or started to write one, but at the end of the day I just couldn't do it. I've been struggling with a huge loss in my life since April, when my 22 year old niece, Nicole, passed away suddenly from an undiagnosed heart condition; and I just didn't want to share my feelings here, especially because for me I've always thought that no matter what I was struggling with, I wanted to add some sort of positive spin (even if it was the tiniest thing) to my posts, but it just didn't seem like I could squeeze out any positivity to share. And I didn't want to publish one endless depressing post after post. That wouldn't help me, and I don't think it would be something that anyone would want to read, so I didn't...until now.

Honestly, just because I've decided to bring this little blog back to life once again, doesn't mean I'm healed, or whole, or not in mourning, or not depressed. But it does mean that life has to go on, even if a part of me is forever broken. I'm still here, and I need to carry on with my journey. I'm just a bit heavier...yes, emotionally and yes, physically. C'mon, you didn't think I wasn't going to reach for the brownies/cupcakes/cookies/wine/chips/Taco Bell (I could go on, but I won't because I'm getting hungry, and I need to finish this post before I wait another year)?  Ok, forget it, I need a break...

And that, boys and girls, that's what I call comfort!  Anyway, getting back, well somewhat, back on track, I've recently realized that I can still blog about my art (Sorry I just threw up in my mouth, partly because I can picture other people gagging at the mere mention of 'my art' and partly because I don't really think of what I do as art, but maybe that's not entirely true either. Please excuse some of these ramblings, I'm a bit rusty with the blog-age). I can still write about my struggles, and my fears, and the baby steps taken, and my failures, my embarrassment, and my successes, but I don't have to share my very personal loss, not yet. I will write about it on here, how could I not? But I'm just not ready yet; and I'm a big believer in all in it's own time. So long story short, I need to write again. It's time!

To catch y'all up briefly on the last year: over the summer I toured again, this time for a week in Brazil with NYC Players; then we finally brought "Neutral Hero" home to NY last fall to rave reviews from the New York Times...

You can read the full reviews, as well as some more info on my brand spanking new website: Jean Ann Garrish.  I've also been working on some of my own projects, including a music pilot, rewriting my One-Act play into a short film, and music, music, music. From the time I could remember, music is all I wanted to do, and it's taken me a long time to accept that it's okay if not everyone wants to listen to or like what I have to say musically, but it's time to stop listening to the voices of doubt, and put myself out there. I'm not gonna lie, I'm scared shitless, because there's something so personal about it, so it seems a little more painful if someone doesn't like it/you, but if the events of April have taught me anything, we cannot wait to do what we want/love/are meant to do.

Speaking of putting myself out there, I made a little video to apply for a scholarship for a business marketing school (I didn't win, but I'm okay with that, as it is the time for me to create now, and market later) but it turns out the video says a bunch about where I'm at...

Whew, that was a chock-full-of-updates, but hey, it's been awhile. And it sure feels good to put myself out here again. Thanks for listening!  Now, I've gotta run, I've got that cupcake to eat.

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