Monday, April 12, 2010

Sometimes I'm not only a procrastinator but I'm LATE too!

So I'm a little tardy with this entry (like a week and a half), whoops. Its not because I didn't want to write one or I forgot about it, but it turns out when you worry about things, they have a habit of coming true...see when I started this blog I had a fear (it wasn’t a big one) but it was, what if I run out of things to say or to talk about? And last Sunday it started to come true. I’ve had this happen a few times when I went to sit down at my computer but somehow I always came up with something sort of relevant to say (well at least I hope it was relevant anyway).

And this time? Negativo, I had absolutely no idea. It reminded me of the Sex and the City episode when Carrie doesn’t have anything to write about, so she starts to compare men to socks!! And then she thinks of writing about men and french fries (yes, I've watched entirely too many episodes of that show) and needless to say, thank God my blog isn’t about men or relationships, or I think I’d have NOTHING to say...well, I’d probably have a lot to say but there’d be no way I could help myself or anyone else on that subject. Come to think of it, know any good blogs on dating? Sorry, I digress. ;)

Anyway, what should I do? An idea. Sometimes throughout the day I come up with little pieces of dialogue for a play or a monologue or whatever when I talk to myself (and I do, I totally talk to myself). And sometimes things pop in my head that I think will be a good focus for this here blog. In my search for what to write, I figured let me check my email because that’s what I do with these things, I send myself emails or texts in the hopes that someday these little nuggets will turn into gold. And I found this: “Trust & show up. Frazzled & crazy & worried. Plan. Be prepared!!” WTF?? Did I write this? Did I read it somewhere and wrote it down because it affected me in some way? Beats the hell out of me, but I like it! It sounds good (which probably means I didn’t write it lol).

And this week I'm trying to apply it (or at least trying to figure out what it means). I think its like that saying "Success is where preparation and opportunity meet”. So be prepared and show up, even though you're scared and feel out of place and trust that you are enough. Sometimes when I start a new project with other people (which I did last week) I get scared that I'm not talented enough, or smart enough, or I'm too shy, or not right for it, or (God forbid) I'll make a freakin mistake (I can go on but I won't, I'm even annoying myself) and I decided to throw caution to the wind and F*#k it. I'm throwing myself in, head first and letting things happen and in the process I think I'm not only learning about the "art" of it (whatever that means), but more importantly, I'm learning about myself. I think that's kinda the best thing we can hope for...to show up, move forward, trust in yourself no matter how you are feeling, let it go and learn. That's all I got for now.

Man, I just hope I have something to say next week! ;)

-Roxy

1 comment:

Ashley said...

This is the second blog entry in a row that you've uttered the phrase, "f*%& it". I think that should be your new theme song :)